Category: Doctoring

The House You Built

by M, posted in Doctoring, Life

"Hi!!!" Her familiar chipper soprano voice greeted me, but her face couldn't hide the terrible truth over the last 2 months.  Beyond N's trademark brilliant smile, the exhaustion in her eyes spoke tales of living in survival mode.  But the conviction – the same look that almost drew me into a career in hematology/oncology – was there, loud and clear. Setting the food down on the kitchen island, I quickly turned around and wrapped her into a hug as tightly as her port would allow.  Holding back tears, the journey here flashed in my mind.

Mountain goats grazing under Mount Rainier

If You Could See Medicine Through My Eyes: Millennial Doctor, M.D.

by M, posted in Doctoring

Last week, the prolific Xrayvsn reached out to me on Twitter and asked if I would be willing to represent the Millennial generation in a 4 way cross-platform collaboration, looking at medicine through the eyes of different generations: Baby Boomer, Generation X, Millennial and Resident Physician. My first reaction was ,“This is an awesome idea!”, immediately followed by an Oh sh*t moment.  Who am I to speak for an entire generation?  And isn’t our Resident Physician also a millennial?? But, my enthusiasm got the best of me and I couldn’t back out, not when I have the word Millennial in my own name. These days, I no longer identify myself solely as a doctor but as a storyteller and as such, I’d like to couch my response to Xrayvsn’s request in: A tale of 4 frogs

Columbia River Gorge View atop of Wind Mountain

Doc, Are You Giving Up On Me? When Is Enough Enough?

by M, posted in Doctoring

"Doc, I'm tired of this." I looked at V's wan face.  The vibrance that I adored had been sucked out of her over the last 9 months by chemotherapy and radiation.  I remembered the moment she cried in my office, angry I hadn't been the one to tell her that her breast cancer had returned everywhere. Now she couldn't muster up any emotion - no tears, no anger, no frustration. Just tired.

Stained glass dove

Saying Goodbye is the Hardest Part

by M, posted in Doctoring

Now as I am looking forward to what the next step in my journey will be and the guilt that ensues with the thought of leaving my current practice, I have to remember - there will be patients who will remember our relationship fondly.  There will be patients who would be willing to follow me.  There is far more gratitude and grace that I've somehow forgotten along the way.

Lonely Road, Grand Rapids, MI

Can Minimalism Be an Antidote to the Opioid Crisis?

by M, posted in Doctoring, Minimalism

When I first started working in my primary care clinic after residency, I was adamant I was NOT going to prescribe long term narcotics.  Unless you've been living under a rock, I think most people are aware of the opioid crisis that is storming across America.  I'm talking about Oxycontin, Morphine, Norco, Vicodin, Percocet, etc. During training, I already had my fill of drug-seeking patients in my residency clinic, ER and the hospital - there was no way I wanted to continue that trend in my new big girl job.  If anyone wants to talk about things that immediately suck the empathy right out of young doctors, I've got two words for you: Opioid abuse.

J wandering on Amtrak tracks, WA

A Doctor’s Worst Fear: The Missed Diagnosis

by M, posted in Doctoring

This horrendous cold and flu season has been an exercise in running on auto-pilot.  Running from room to room every 10-15 minutes has been a blur of declaring, "Virus - no antibiotics needed.  Virus - no antibiotics needed.  Ear infection - here's your amoxicillin.  Flu - Tamiflu sucks and you're going to feel like dying for the next 7 days, sorry.  Maybe take me up on the flu shot next year." This was my life for two weeks after making the mistake of not taking any time off Christmas/New Year's at the end of 2017.  (Note to self: Worst . Idea . Ever.  Take a vacation already!!!)  Just as I was ready to go insane from the monotony, the palest toddler with the most crystal blue eyes brought everything to a screeching halt.

Orchids in Palawan, Philippines

When Staying Positive is Actually Hurting You

by M, posted in Doctoring, Life

A recent comment on one of my posts stopped me in my tracks - "Thank you for your positive reflections." Whoa. I don't think I've ever been told I'm a positive person.  Like EVER. But, looking back at my recent posts it's true - I have been on a positivity kick for the last 2 months.  I could see where people would mistakenly think I'm very zen.  Saccharine even.  In reality, I actually would avoid that person like the plague if I saw her coming.  The overabundance of happiness would be grate on every last nerve.  Too much inner peace is just not natural.   Who is this person I've become??

Mag Aso Falls, Kabankalan, Philippines

Why Most Resolutions Fail

by M, posted in Doctoring

How many of us set goals and resolutions coming at it from the wrong angle? How many of us have stared at ourselves in the mirror, pulled on that pooch and said, "Eww... gross.  I'm such a fat slob.  I need to work on this"?  Who else has lost themselves continuously scrolling and clicking on random things on the internet, to emerge hours later feeling unaccomplished and regret laden for not having gone to the gym instead/read that book you've always wanted to/spend time with your friends and family?  We think to ourselves, "Here you go again.. just wasting your life away.  Why can't you be better?" We walk away setting goals with the best intentions, but in the process chip away at our self-worth leaving nothing but a self that is broken and beyond repair.