Tag: Primary care

Mountain goats grazing under Mount Rainier

If You Could See Medicine Through My Eyes: Millennial Doctor, M.D.

by M, posted in Doctoring

Last week, the prolific Xrayvsn reached out to me on Twitter and asked if I would be willing to represent the Millennial generation in a 4 way cross-platform collaboration, looking at medicine through the eyes of different generations: Baby Boomer, Generation X, Millennial and Resident Physician. My first reaction was ,“This is an awesome idea!”, immediately followed by an Oh sh*t moment.  Who am I to speak for an entire generation?  And isn’t our Resident Physician also a millennial?? But, my enthusiasm got the best of me and I couldn’t back out, not when I have the word Millennial in my own name. These days, I no longer identify myself solely as a doctor but as a storyteller and as such, I’d like to couch my response to Xrayvsn’s request in: A tale of 4 frogs

Columbia River Gorge View atop of Wind Mountain

Doc, Are You Giving Up On Me? When Is Enough Enough?

by M, posted in Doctoring

"Doc, I'm tired of this." I looked at V's wan face.  The vibrance that I adored had been sucked out of her over the last 9 months by chemotherapy and radiation.  I remembered the moment she cried in my office, angry I hadn't been the one to tell her that her breast cancer had returned everywhere. Now she couldn't muster up any emotion - no tears, no anger, no frustration. Just tired.

All Alone and Expendable – The Reality of Modern Doctoring

by M, posted in Burnout

As a millennial physician, I grew up in the world of team-based care, evidenced based medicine, and "To Err is Human."  I graduated a rigorous, work-hour rule bending residency program that still managed to provide a supportive environment filled with camaraderie. We celebrated success and newfound skills together.  We also suffered, grieved loss and failures - together. The togetherness gave it meaning. I was eager to join the community of practicing physicians. On the other side of board certification, I found no such community.  Rather, I found merely a group physicians in close proximity doing similar tasks, but in pursuit of individual and often disparate goals. In my search for community, I found myself alone.

Are We All Just Faking It?

by M, posted in Burnout

"How do you keep doing this every day, patient after patient and still keep saying the right thing?" A thousand thoughts raced through my mind. Do I demure and say what I'm supposed to say? "Oh, this is all just part of being a doctor!  It's such a privilege to be allowed to enter into someone's fears and emotions.  Everything is awesome.  Just living the dream." Or do I say, "I'm fine.  You're fine.  We're all fine.  Please stop asking questions for which you're not prepared to hear the answer to." Or perhaps the truth, "I'm actually not fine.  Thanks for asking.  The only thing that's allowing me to make it through the day is that I've formulated an exit strategy, because I can't take this anymore."

Walking Under Waterfall

Drowning in a Bucket of Tears

by M, posted in Burnout

Mom nodded, eyes glazed over from the bombshell I just threw her way. Taking and squeezing her clammy hand in mine, her attention returned back to the room from reeling into the land of "What if's?". "Mom... it's going to be ok.  O's going to be ok.  I just need you to get him to the hospital.  Can you do that, or do you want me to call 911?" "No... I can do it.  It's only 5 minutes away.  It'll be faster if I take him now," the determination grew in her voice.

Fall colours, Hoyt Arboretum

Struggling With Foreboding Joy: It’s a Trap!

by M, posted in Burnout

"I love my doctor!  She's the best." "Aww.. thank you!  You're going to set some unrealistic expectations for him from the get-go... see you next time!" Turning to A, my new scribe, I pondered out loud after exiting the room, "I don't know what it is about having you here, but all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork saying nice things.  It's to fill the awkward silence of having someone new in the room, I think. This is not typical.  AT ALL. You can't ever let this stuff get to your head, because it just makes the bad days worse." Watching A nod his head, probably in an effort to patronize me, I couldn't silence the inner monologue. You're just teaching him foreboding joy*, M.  Don't pass on your maladaptive coping skills way before his time.  

Ramona Falls, OR

So You Wanna Be a Doctor…

by M, posted in Burnout

"M, what do you think about a scribe?  You said you'd be open to that in the past, and I have just the guy for you.  He's the son of a friend, and he wants to get more clinical experience before he applies to med school next year." My partner looked expectantly at me, waiting for my response. "What's his background?  Pre-med?" "No.. an engineering background.  So you'll have to train him, but he's a smart kid and I'm sure he'll pick up quickly!" 3 weeks later and I was shaking said kid's hand in my office manager's office. So earnest, so excited.  So... pure. This was a mistake, M.

Egg Lake, San Juan Island, WA

Burnout Solution 99: Just Be a Yes Doctor

by M, posted in Burnout

I had been on edge the entire morning. I even caught myself looking around my office in between back to back Follow up mood appointments, trying to figure out how I could slowly pack up all my things without anyone noticing.  Because if I was going to have a dramatic exit, nothing would suck the victory out of it more than having to sneak in 5 minutes later to collect my stuff. Maybe one book a day, I settled on. On second thought, I didn't need the books.  Or my medical degree and diplomas on the wall, for that matter. I'M OUT.