How will I restock my joy fund? I'm going to start by finding joy and gratitude daily. And because I'm a sucker for goal oriented achievements - this is how I'm going to do it → 30 Day Challenge: Restocking My Joy Fund In an effort of accountability, I'm going document my journey on Instagram - come join me HERE.
The last week has been a little surreal. My KevinMD post: Should we encourage people to go into medicine went viral in a way I hadn't anticipated with more than 2000 shares! It's been a roller coaster of conflicting emotions: Happiness that my writing resonated with so many people Horror that someone called me a "thought leader" for the millennial generation Guilt for making people in med school/residency aware of their regret for going into medicine
When I first started working in my primary care clinic after residency, I was adamant I was NOT going to prescribe long term narcotics.  Unless you've been living under a rock, I think most people are aware of the opioid crisis that is storming across America. I'm talking about Oxycontin, Morphine, Norco, Vicodin, Percocet, etc. During training, I already had my fill of drug-seeking patients in my residency clinic, ER and the hospital - there was no way I wanted to continue that trend in my new big girl job. If anyone wants to talk about things that immediately suck the empathy right out of young doctors, I've got two words for you: Opioid abuse.
Recently, a friend of mine approached me and asked if I would help her with her MCAT studying. She would be a non-traditional med school applicant after taking a few years post pre-med to do great and wonderful things, including organizing cancer research at a local academic centre. Because of a few gap years, she felt the need to ACE this standardized test to prove she still has the academic chops to both herself and prospective medical schools. Immediately, I froze. Seeing that I've just been pulling myself out of burnout and in the process have heard from so many of my colleagues sharing their own burnout stories with me, I looked at her and thought: Do I have a moral and ethical responsibility to protect you from yourself and your idealism?
A recent comment on one of my posts stopped me in my tracks - "Thank you for your positive reflections." Whoa. I don't think I've ever been told I'm a positive person. Like EVER. But, looking back at my recent posts it's true - I have been on a positivity kick for the last 2 months. I could see where people would mistakenly think I'm very zen. Saccharine even. In reality, I actually would avoid that person like the plague if I saw her coming. The overabundance of happiness would be grate on every last nerve. Too much inner peace is just not natural.  Who is this person I've become??
Papa, There has been a lot of talk about immigrants on the news lately, which has made me start thinking about your story. And I have a lot of questions. Did you ever dare to dream within one generation, you'd move from being a rice paddy farmer to your daughter being a doctor? When you looked through the half built thatched roof next to your paddy, how did you have the audacity to reach so high?
How many of us set goals and resolutions coming at it from the wrong angle? How many of us have stared at ourselves in the mirror, pulled on that pooch and said, "Eww... gross. I'm such a fat slob. I need to work on this"? Who else has lost themselves continuously scrolling and clicking on random things on the internet, to emerge hours later feeling unaccomplished and regret laden for not having gone to the gym instead/read that book you've always wanted to/spend time with your friends and family? We think to ourselves, "Here you go again.. just wasting your life away. Why can't you be better?" We walk away setting goals with the best intentions, but in the process chip away at our self-worth leaving nothing but a self that is broken and beyond repair.
Welcome to semi-retirement After my burnout epiphany, I made the decision to cut back on work at the end of 2017. I knew what I was doing wasn't sustainable, so it was time to take charge. The overachiever that I am, I had it all planned out - I was going to take every other Wednesday off, starting February 14th, Valentine's day. What a great act of self love! I would transition into semi-retirement - down to an average of 40 hours a week from 55-60. It was going to be amazing... in 6 weeks. ...
Today, on this Saturday morning, I drove into the hospital to do one of my favourite parts of my job: Newborn rounds. As I was oohing and aahing at this beautiful new baby's full head of hair, mom smiled at me and asked, "Do you have kids?" "No, not yet," I replied with my usual canned response. "Oh." The dynamic in the room quickly changed.
Most people in their 20's and 30's assume they're going to wake up tomorrow. They believe they'll get to make good on their plans a few weeks, months and even years from now. Death is a thing that happens to old people, therefore, they have plenty of time to worry about that later. Not for me. Death is a constant companion of mine. ...