Confession time: I almost quit blogging 20,000 page views brought me to my knees. I was humbled that people were actually reading my ramblings. Elated that people were commenting on the posts and emailing me about how my story resonated with them. Then the OH SHIT moment happened. Did I really want that many people peering into my mind?
Truth be told, I've never felt I needed a designated mentor - not in pre-med, med school or residency. Ain't nobody got time for that. Wrong.
While I've been researching various ways to get myself out of my current job aka mindlessly scrolling on Facebook physician groups in search of ideas to jolt me out of complacency, I've had an epiphany: Most of the people active in these groups are women. Why is that? Are women just more active on social media than men? As I paid more and more attention to the common threads of their posts and comments, I realized they were more vocal than the men in the groups about the need for more work life balance. Being able to spend time with their kids. Less time spent with emotionally exhausting patients. More time to be able to take care of things at home, ailing parents, so on and so forth. I marveled at the marked difference between the men and women's comments to my husband J, wondering out loud, "Do men just not care about the same things that women do? I mean - they have families too. Don't they also want to spend more time with their kids? Don't they also have things to take care of at home? I don't get it." J shrugged and replied, "It's not that they don't care... these guys probably just have stay at home wives who take care of everything."
We have been conditioned to think of work as the end all, be all of life. But if you were to ask people what they regret the most at the end of life as Bronnie Ware had, they would say this: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish that I had let myself be happier. What are we doing with our lives?
How will I restock my joy fund? I'm going to start by finding joy and gratitude daily. And because I'm a sucker for goal oriented achievements - this is how I'm going to do it → 30 Day Challenge: Restocking My Joy Fund In an effort of accountability, I'm going document my journey on Instagram - come join me HERE.
After focusing solely on my medical career for so long, I have forgotten that I am more than just a doctor. My time for hobbies, family and friends had been stripped from me for so long I started to only identify myself by one thing: Doctor. If I stop doctoring, then what good am I?
When I first started working in my primary care clinic after residency, I was adamant I was NOT going to prescribe long term narcotics. Unless you've been living under a rock, I think most people are aware of the opioid crisis that is storming across America. I'm talking about Oxycontin, Morphine, Norco, Vicodin, Percocet, etc. During training, I already had my fill of drug-seeking patients in my residency clinic, ER and the hospital - there was no way I wanted to continue that trend in my new big girl job. If anyone wants to talk about things that immediately suck the empathy right out of young doctors, I've got two words for you: Opioid abuse.
A recent comment on one of my posts stopped me in my tracks - "Thank you for your positive reflections." Whoa. I don't think I've ever been told I'm a positive person. Like EVER. But, looking back at my recent posts it's true - I have been on a positivity kick for the last 2 months. I could see where people would mistakenly think I'm very zen. Saccharine even. In reality, I actually would avoid that person like the plague if I saw her coming. The overabundance of happiness would be grate on every last nerve. Too much inner peace is just not natural. Who is this person I've become??
How many of us set goals and resolutions coming at it from the wrong angle? How many of us have stared at ourselves in the mirror, pulled on that pooch and said, "Eww... gross. I'm such a fat slob. I need to work on this"? Who else has lost themselves continuously scrolling and clicking on random things on the internet, to emerge hours later feeling unaccomplished and regret laden for not having gone to the gym instead/read that book you've always wanted to/spend time with your friends and family? We think to ourselves, "Here you go again.. just wasting your life away. Why can't you be better?" We walk away setting goals with the best intentions, but in the process chip away at our self-worth leaving nothing but a self that is broken and beyond repair.
Welcome to semi-retirement After my burnout epiphany, I made the decision to cut back on work at the end of 2017. I knew what I was doing wasn't sustainable, so it was time to take charge. The overachiever that I am, I had it all planned out - I was going to take every other Wednesday off, starting February 14th, Valentine's day. What a great act of self love! I would transition into semi-retirement - down to an average of 40 hours a week from 55-60. It was going to be amazing... in 6 weeks. ...