Tag: Happiness

The House You Built

by M, posted in Doctoring, Life

"Hi!!!" Her familiar chipper soprano voice greeted me, but her face couldn't hide the terrible truth over the last 2 months.  Beyond N's trademark brilliant smile, the exhaustion in her eyes spoke tales of living in survival mode.  But the conviction – the same look that almost drew me into a career in hematology/oncology – was there, loud and clear. Setting the food down on the kitchen island, I quickly turned around and wrapped her into a hug as tightly as her port would allow.  Holding back tears, the journey here flashed in my mind.

Glacial grey river through the Hooker Valley Track

Are You Still Hustling For Your Self Worth?

by M, posted in Life

How To Increase Your Instagram Followers - Use pictures that show your face - Use hashtags - 30 max - Follow other people and hope they follow you back - Post every day, even multiple times a day - Comment on other people's stuff - Use Instagram stories and live... As I went down the list of different strategies recently proposed by the Facebook social media strategy group I was in, I was surprised by the inward cringe I was experiencing. Finally, it hit me: We're all still hustling for our self worth.

Sunset over Heceta Beach, OR

To The Doctor Struggling with Burnout: I See You

by M, posted in Burnout

My friend, I remember being where you are, feeling like there wasn't anyone who could possibly understand the darkness I found myself in. The isolation. The inability to explain the full weight of what I dealt with as a primary care physician every day to my very well-intentioned non-medical tribe. The difficulty reconciling the knowledge that I was "living the dream" but in reality was merely existing in a living nightmare, my own personal hell I had spent my entire adult life trying to achieve. I resisted for a long time to share my story - it's not an easy thing to do... it took me 2 years to even admit to my husband that I was struggling, and that in and of itself felt like a failure. Because we should be stronger than this, right?  We knew what we were getting into, we logically understood that we would see and endure a lot of suffering. But to know this is different than to live this reality.

Middle Lewis River Falls, WA

How to Move On With Your Life: Quit Your Parental Guilt

by M, posted in Burnout

"My new schedule is going to be 5 days on, 5 days off!  It'll be like a long weekend every other week, Papa.  J and I are thinking of getting a camper too.. maybe go on those national park trips we've been talking about.  There's so much out here in the Pacific Northwest." "Mmm hmm..." … Continue reading How to Move On With Your Life: Quit Your Parental Guilt

M walking along the Columbia River Gorge

Death of a Primary Care Physician’s Career: Act Three

by M, posted in Burnout

"So when should we see each other again?"

She's young and healthy, M.  No reason to have her come back sooner than her yearly physical.  Are you OK with her just getting a letter in the mail notifying her that you're gone?

The thought of her discovering I was leaving via an impersonal letter on clinic letterhead filled me with dread.  She deserved better than that.  To hell with my promise of keeping my mouth shut.

Light breaking over the Columbia River Gorge

Death of a Primary Care Physician’s Career: Act Two

by M, posted in Burnout

"You know, you're being that annoying prodigal daughter you used to complain about in residency.  The one who wouldn't let her estranged parent go until you came in as the hospice queen and convinced her to pull the plug.

Your current job is already dead, you’re just keeping it alive for some reason."

No preamble.  Just straight to the quick.

"M... what's stopping you from signing your new contract?"

How Tickle Me Elmo Stole Thanksgiving

by M, posted in Minimalism

"Give it to me!  I got it first!!!"

"NO YOU DID NOT!  I grabbed it off the shelf first!"

"This Elmo is mine!!!!!!  Bob, tell her I got to this first!"

Bob looked like a man who wanted to disappear into his turtleneck.

"Come on, Nancy.. it's a toy."

"DON'T TELL ME IT'S JUST A TOY!  THIS IS A TICKLE ME ELMO!!  AND IT'S MINE!!!!"

Shaking my head as I walked away, I assessed the chaos that had descended on this Black Friday.

What was this alternate reality I had entered into?

Hurricane Ridge, Olympic Peninsula, WA

What is Life When It’s No Longer Defined By Work?

by M, posted in Burnout

We have allowed work to become this all consuming part of our lives, and not just in medicine. It's too easy to become married to our jobs, forgetting there are people at home who are more deserving of our time and attention.

When will I allow myself to say doctoring needs to be just a job and not my life - and when will I actually believe it?

What is life when it's no longer defined by work?