Tag: Vulnerability

Fall colours, Hoyt Arboretum

Struggling With Foreboding Joy: It’s a Trap!

by M, posted in Burnout

"I love my doctor!  She's the best." "Aww.. thank you!  You're going to set some unrealistic expectations for him from the get-go... see you next time!" Turning to A, my new scribe, I pondered out loud after exiting the room, "I don't know what it is about having you here, but all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork saying nice things.  It's to fill the awkward silence of having someone new in the room, I think. This is not typical.  AT ALL. You can't ever let this stuff get to your head, because it just makes the bad days worse." Watching A nod his head, probably in an effort to patronize me, I couldn't silence the inner monologue. You're just teaching him foreboding joy*, M.  Don't pass on your maladaptive coping skills way before his time.  

Views at Silver Star Mountain

Haters Gonna Hate: My First Major Diss War

by M, posted in Life

I've been expecting this day for a long time.  I'm even surprised it took so long. When you open yourself up in any arena, whether that be in real life or on the internet, you invite commentary. Your inner thoughts are no longer sacred and safe from harm. As someone who has spent my entire career in STEM where facts and data rule the day, transitioning to this new creative role of story teller has been a thoroughly foreign experience.  I started off telling the stories of my patients, but as I have become braver and willing to be more vulnerable, I've allowed myself to bleed on the page along with them. I knew at some point, someone was going to take issue with that and it would feel very personal.

Another reflection of M

When Success Sucks: Why 20,000 Page Views Almost Killed My Blog

by M, posted in Life

Confession time:  I almost quit blogging 20,000 page views brought me to my knees.  I was humbled that people were actually reading my ramblings.  Elated that people were commenting on the posts and emailing me about how my story resonated with them. Then the OH SHIT moment happened. Did I really want that many people peering into my mind?