Tag: Life

All Alone and Expendable – The Reality of Modern Doctoring

by M, posted in Burnout

As a millennial physician, I grew up in the world of team-based care, evidenced based medicine, and "To Err is Human."  I graduated a rigorous, work-hour rule bending residency program that still managed to provide a supportive environment filled with camaraderie. We celebrated success and newfound skills together.  We also suffered, grieved loss and failures - together. The togetherness gave it meaning. I was eager to join the community of practicing physicians. On the other side of board certification, I found no such community.  Rather, I found merely a group physicians in close proximity doing similar tasks, but in pursuit of individual and often disparate goals. In my search for community, I found myself alone.

Walking Under Waterfall

Drowning in a Bucket of Tears

by M, posted in Burnout

Mom nodded, eyes glazed over from the bombshell I just threw her way. Taking and squeezing her clammy hand in mine, her attention returned back to the room from reeling into the land of "What if's?". "Mom... it's going to be ok.  O's going to be ok.  I just need you to get him to the hospital.  Can you do that, or do you want me to call 911?" "No... I can do it.  It's only 5 minutes away.  It'll be faster if I take him now," the determination grew in her voice.

Fall colours, Hoyt Arboretum

Struggling With Foreboding Joy: It’s a Trap!

by M, posted in Burnout

"I love my doctor!  She's the best." "Aww.. thank you!  You're going to set some unrealistic expectations for him from the get-go... see you next time!" Turning to A, my new scribe, I pondered out loud after exiting the room, "I don't know what it is about having you here, but all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork saying nice things.  It's to fill the awkward silence of having someone new in the room, I think. This is not typical.  AT ALL. You can't ever let this stuff get to your head, because it just makes the bad days worse." Watching A nod his head, probably in an effort to patronize me, I couldn't silence the inner monologue. You're just teaching him foreboding joy*, M.  Don't pass on your maladaptive coping skills way before his time.  

Hurricane Ridge, Olympic Peninsula, WA

What is Life When It’s No Longer Defined By Work?

by M, posted in Burnout

We have allowed work to become this all consuming part of our lives, and not just in medicine. It's too easy to become married to our jobs, forgetting there are people at home who are more deserving of our time and attention. When will I allow myself to say doctoring needs to be just a job and not my life - and when will I actually believe it? What is life when it's no longer defined by work?

J and M's shadows holding hands

The Dilemma of Being the Female Breadwinner

by M, posted in Almighty Dollar, Life

While I've been researching various ways to get myself out of my current job aka mindlessly scrolling on Facebook physician groups in search of ideas to jolt me out of complacency, I've had an epiphany: Most of the people active in these groups are women.  Why is that?  Are women just more active on social media than men?   As I paid more and more attention to the common threads of their posts and comments, I realized they were more vocal than the men in the groups about the need for more work life balance.  Being able to spend time with their kids.  Less time spent with emotionally exhausting patients.  More time to be able to take care of things at home, ailing parents, so on and so forth.  I marveled at the marked difference between the men and women's comments to my husband J, wondering out loud,  "Do men just not care about the same things that women do?  I mean - they have families too.  Don't they also want to spend more time with their kids?  Don't they also have things to take care of at home?  I don't get it." J shrugged and replied,  "It's not that they don't care... these guys probably just have stay at home wives who take care of everything."

Mt. Hood emerging from the clouds

A Doctor’s Journey Into Minimalism: Can It Be Done?

by M, posted in Almighty Dollar, Life, Minimalism

As I observe the spending habits of my patients, friends and fellow doctors, I find we are in a constant state of consumption.  We're all chasing that thing that will make our life complete - the newest phone, fitness tracker, piece of clothing... you name it, the marketing gods will instill in you the "need" for you to have it. Inevitably though, it's never enough.

Taking a breather on Dog Mountain, Washington

A Third Life Crisis: What Would You Regret the Most?

by M, posted in Burnout, Life, Minimalism

We have been conditioned to think of work as the end all, be all of life. But if you were to ask people what they regret the most at the end of life as Bronnie Ware had, they would say this: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish that I had let myself be happier. What are we doing with our lives?