What an epic last full week of 2018!
- Christmas
- Blog anniversary: 12/26/18
- My birthday!
As a child, my parents had to make a hard choice with what to do with a Christmas adjacent baby:
- Celebrate Christmas and my birthday separately
- Fuse both celebrations into one, hereby creating Birthmas
Since my Papa was the original Scrooge, I mean minimalist, he came up with a third option:
- NO celebrations
Due to my scripting (I’m supposed to blame my parents like a good millennial, right?), I’m kind of a grinch about Christmas and since celebrating the 4th anniversary of my 29th birthday is a little cliché, I’ll just round out the end of the year with my reflections on a year of Reflections.
Reflection-ception
At the end of 2017, I had been spiraling for some time. After taking a vacation in early spring 2017, I “fell behind” at work in trying to catch up, never seeming to be able to climb out of that sinkhole despite working 50-60 hour weeks. If you somehow missed the gory details and would like to acquaint yourself with them, click HERE to get to that post.
I had become desperate to find some kind of joy outside of work since there was none to be found while there, and after being inspired by The Happy Philosopher’s blog, I decided to start one of my own.
When I started the blog, I had no goals. No purpose or mission. I didn’t even have a vision of what I wanted to turn this into.
I just knew I wanted to write. So I did: 62 posts in total, including today’s.
In going back and reading all of my posts, it’s fun to see how haphazard and random the topics were in the beginning. I was pulled into so many directions of what the blog could be – did I want to be a physician finance blogger like Physician on FIRE and the White Coat Investor, but from a primary care physician’s point of view? Or did I want to follow The Happy Philosopher‘s footsteps instead and write about philosophical issues? What about making an educational site and writing about my love for preventive medicine and healthy habits?
Finding my voice
It wasn’t until I released When Doctors Lie that I had my first a-ha! moment – I was meant to be a storyteller. The outpouring of support from my friends and family in the form of ugly crying cemented the model I’ve been following ever since.
At first, the stories I told were of my patients but as I became more comfortable with writing and more willing to be vulnerable, I realized I had been dancing around the real reason why I was compelled to write: Burnout.
OF COURSE I was going to write a post on burnout. But just one → Failure Diary: A Millennial Doctor’s Burnout.
All of a sudden, people came out of the woodwork to tell me how much my story resonated with them. People who I hadn’t heard from in YEARS from pre-med, med school and residency, all in different specialties and parts of the country.
Realizing I had tapped into something so many of us felt when I had thought I was the only one going through this struggle, I kept going. 31 posts later on this topic, I have inadvertently become the Queen of Burnout. It wasn’t something I ever intended to become, yet here we are.
On this journey, I’ve heard from so many people outside of my little circle of friends – something I never expected.
The fact that my words have reached and resonated with so many people just blows my mind, especially since I don’t do the things I’m “supposed to” in order to become a successful blogger. There are so many reasons why this blog should fade into obscurity:
- I don’t focus on SEO (search engine optimization) so people can find the blog
- I only post once a week now since doing it twice a week was cutting into hang out time with my husband, friends, family and the outdoors
- I have a growing disdain for social media → Twitter seems to just be a place where people get mad when I step outside of the FIRE echo chamber, Facebook has an ever changing algorithm and I don’t have the bandwidth to figure out how to make my posts pinnable for Pinterest
- I’m really bad about commenting on other people’s blogs though I avidly read so many of them
So, with that in mind, I think the blog has been doing pretty well in spite of myself!
Here are the nitty gritty stats as of 12/26/18 → Brace yourself for a metrics dump!
Who, What, Where?
Good thing you don’t need to know geography to be a doctor!
Reflections’ Top Posts:
Behind the Scenes of Reflections
Should We Encourage People to become Doctors was my first post to gain notoriety after I submitted a pared down version (cutting myself down to only a 1000 word post is insanely hard!) to KevinMD – the shortened version there has been shared 5,000+ times! It wasn’t until that moment I allowed myself to believe I could write things that people actually wanted to read and share.
After that post, the blog started taking off due to the generosity of these fellow physician bloggers:
The Happy Philosopher
I would be remiss to leave out The Happy Philosopher who I attribute my initial success to. Not only did his words help me as I was dealing with my burnout journey as I mentioned previously, he so kindly offered me the opportunity to write a guest post for him about my story of burnout, exposing my blog to his wide readership.
I will be forever grateful. Especially since I am really terrible about marketing the blog, as you may have gathered by now.
Physician on FIRE
Well known as one of the premier physician finance bloggers and someone I’ve followed for a long time, I was completely taken by surprise when PoF included my first feature, How I’m Plotting My Escape from Medicine, in his Sunday Best roundup. I blame him for launching my blog from obscurity into the interwebs and have been so honoured to be included an additional 2 times over the last year with:
The Physician Philosopher
TPP, an early supporter of the blog (not to be confused with The Happy Philosopher), makes my head spin by how productive he is: Academic anesthesiologist and awarded teacher, blogging 3 times a week, soon to be book author AND father to 3 little kiddos!? I have been riding the coattails of his blogging success as he generously keeps sharing my stuff. Thanks to TPP, my writing was exposed to a whole new set of non-medicine-y eyes after he submitted What is Life When It’s No Longer Defined By Work? to Rockstar Finance.
Xrayvsn
Xrayvsn is the king of networking, always dissecting guest bloggers under his x-ray beam! I’ve typically been reticent to throw my stuff out there, but thanks to Xrayvsn I now see how fun collaborations can be!
If You Could See Medicine Through My Eyes was his brain childn, and I was happy to participate along with Hatton1 and Wall Street Physician as we went through how we viewed medicine through the lens of a Baby Boomer, Generation X physician, Millennial Doctor (yours truly) and a resident physician.
Pretty soon it will be my turn to undergo the x-ray beam… so stay tuned!
Now to my top post…
As you can see, the first act of my 3 part mini series Death of a Primary Care Physician’s Career: A Cautionary Tale has been by far the most read post with 10,682 reads. Someone picked it up at Doximity (thank you to whoever you are!) and it spread like wildfire as it apparently struck a nerve with many people.
It was my favourite one to write by far, but I must confess… I held on to it for 2 months before I published it on the blog. I kept coming up with new reasons to not publish it:
- A, my now-gone scribe, kept giving me new material
- High Plains MD wrote my first guest post on the blog: All Alone and Expendable – The Reality of Modern Doctoring
- My previously mentioned collaboration with Xrayvsn had been set on a specific date
The truth is, I wasn’t ready for it to be launched out into the internet. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my primary care career. I kept waiting for me to change my mind.
The moment I hit that publish button was the true time of acceptance that this chapter in my life was over. To see this specific post garner an insane amount of views after I had kept these thoughts so close to my heart for so long has been humbling.
Thank you for reading and sharing.
In continuing with the theme of gratitude, there have been some other people that I’d like to recognize as they have been frequent commenters and sharers of my stuff throughout this last year:
- HD from Hormones Demystified
- Whilst helping me with my collaboration with Xrayvsn, HD has turned into the writing/life coach I never knew I needed. I’m kinda letting the cat out of the bag when I say this, but he actually is a really nice guy despite what he leads you to believe on his blog!
- Kpeds from Pediatrician finds FI
- I knew Kpeds was my spirit finance animal when he shared his love for Final Fantasy AND he introduced me to Bristol Pile of 7 which I now say constantly. I’ve been cheering him on as he’s gotten his own features on KevinMD and Physician on FIRE!
- Vagabond MD
- I cannot tell you how many times I pored over Vagabond MD’s story of burnout as I wrote my story for The Happy Philosopher, hoping my post would be as impactful as his. I never would have dreamed I’d become part of his Wednesday routine when he leaves kind, supportive comments in his path or that he’d like all my pictures on Instagram!
- HighPlainsMD
- I always try to be intentional about what I put on the blog; when I asked HighPlains MD to be my first guest post it was a no-brainer! We are like-minded in so many ways, though I will never be quite as well-read as he. I do enjoy being part of his book club though!
For the rest of you who have commented, reached out and contacted me and/or have preferred to stay anonymous, you know who you are and I’m so honoured you’ve chosen to walk alongside me on this journey.
So what’s next?
Seeing that I’ve done pretty well with my first goal-less adventure, I’m not sure if I should really make any blog oriented goals.
Sure, I could increase my frequency of writing to more than once a week in order to gain more traffic, could start trying to monetize the blog or even try to be more active on social media to get the word out. But this would turn my fun passion project into something that could easily take over my life, just at a time when I’m finally able to wrangle it back from work’s stranglehold. Often times, my need to be “productive” ends up in self-sabotage – part of the reason why I ended up burning out in the first place.
So, my goal is to continue trying to be intentional about living a values-driven life as outlined below (thanks for this moniker Crispy Doc!):
People first
There have been so many iterations of this theme throughout my blog and on my instagram posts.
Connection matters. People over things. Find your tribe.
However, this necessitates that we be vulnerable enough to connect.
The blog wouldn’t have worked if I hadn’t been willing to throw my story out into the open, and I’m going to be honest – this whole process has been terrifying.
Every post there is a moment of hesitation before I hit publish. Every time I imagine how someone can tear apart my thoughts. After every click on the publish button, I walk away from my computer for a couple of hours and mentally put the armour back on just in case I get some negative feedback.
But to me, if I connect with just one person through my story on the blog, it’s worth the gamble.
In real life, I’ve been fortunate to be surrounded by lots of unconditional love from some amazing people. Being willing to accept it has been another matter – something that people who have struggled with burnout and depression intimately know. To that I say: You cannot be a part of a tribe if you keep setting yourself apart.
Time is the currency of life
With my new upcoming job, I will have more downtime than I have ever had in my adult life.
I fully intend on spending my time doing things that I love: Photography (yes, I take all of the pics for the site), adventuring outdoors, travel and spending time with family and friends.
I still plan on writing once a week as it forces me to really sit down and reflect on what’s happening in my life. I’ll probably be more active on Instagram as that is really the only social media platform I truly enjoy – you can see all my photos on my upcoming trip to New Zealand there! As for Twitter and Facebook, I’ll continue to hop on once in a while to see what the other physician bloggers are doing but I really have no desire to spend more time on platforms that only infuriate me.
That’s time I won’t get back.
How will you spend your time? Will you keep spinning your wheels chasing the next best thing? Do you spend your time where you say your priorities are?
Diversify your life
Just as we all should diversify our investment portfolios to help mitigate risk, I believe we need to diversify our lives to help us navigate the ups and downs of life.
When I first started the blog, I chose the tagline Diversify Your Life as a way to remind myself that I am much more than a doctor.
I am a storyteller, classical pianist, wannabe photographer, lover of dark craft beer (Rogue Hazelnut Brown FTW!) and black coffee, hiker in chase of mountains, reluctant runner and crochet/embroidery enthusiast.
I am a wife, sister, daughter and friend.
I can find my self-worth beyond my job and career.
Although I’ve been telling myself this for a while, it hasn’t been until recently that I can say it with conviction, without guilt.
We are allowed to define ourselves beyond the medical degree.
Minimalism
I’m paring down on things that don’t serve me.
My favourite quote of the moment is:
Let go to let grow.
Sometimes that means letting go of some strongly held beliefs.
Sometimes that means getting rid of things to create space for something else that will bring me joy.
Saying no means I get to say yes to more opportunities.
Saying no will free up more time, money and freedom to spend on things that I actually want to do.
Keeping the blog pretty minimal means less spammy pop up boxes and no flashing advertisements to distract you from reading!
(Which, by the way, due to one of my favourite people’s requests, I have removed the popup box to opt-in for my weekly emails – if you’d like to subscribe, please scroll to the bottom on your phone or go to the sidebar on your computer web browser to find the little box).
Final parting thoughts…
If you’re here because you’ve been following my journey through burnout but you’re still feeling stuck, I want to empower you to create some space for you to reflect on your own journey.
What brought you to this place in your life?
What are your values?
What do you need to change in order for you to get your own values-driven life?
What things do you need to re-arrange in order for your reality to line up with your priorities?
I created my own space by writing and spending more time outdoors, but for you, that may look different. Figure out what that is for you. And make it happen.
If I can do it, so can you.
Thank you for walking alongside me on my journey this last year. As The Minimalists say,
Your presence is the best gift you can give me.
I wish you much love and happiness this upcoming new year!
M
***
OK, so I lied. I don’t take all of the pics – sometimes I make J take them. #instagramhusbandintraining
Pic taken of me walking on a fallen log into a lake so I could see the fall foliage reflected better in the water. Because why not?
***
Follow our upcoming New Zealand photo adventure on Instagram HERE!
I am honored to have been part of your journey so far! And, honestly, we should be thanking you.
Your writing deserves to be exposed to others. And I am glad you have gone the story telling burnout route! It’s amazing how you wrap people into each glimpse of your life.
Thank you for being vulnerable and being a leader in this space.
I wish you nothing but success in the new year!
TPP
Thank you for your kind words, as always 🙂
I wish the very best for you as well and I hope you’re all settled in to your new home!
Congratulations MD on your milestone of 1 year. For some people 1 year might not mean much but for those who actually blog it is quite an achievement.
It takes a lot of effort to put out the kind of content you do and to balance that with medicine and family can be a struggle.
I appreciate your kind words and mentioning me.
I was thrilled you were able to collaborate with me on that generations of medicine post, and it was because of content from you that made it even better than I could have hoped for.
As long as you write good content people will find you. It may take longer without marketing yourself but your posts have an undeniable draw to them.
Have a wonderful new year and I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us.
Thank you for your kind words Xrayvsn!
I’ve been so impressed by your ability to collaborate AND come up with new blog content at the same time. That and your wicked coding skills for The Hospital! You are one of my biggest consistent referrers so thanks for marketing my stuff for me 🙂
Have a wonderful new year and I can’t wait to collaborate with you again!
M
I’ve spent two years carefully cultivating my reputation as an a**h*le, and you ruined it with one sentence. Thanks for that. 😉
I appreciate your appreciation, and I know that you know it’s all mutual.
I appreciate that you have granted my words so much more power than yours that you think I ruined your reputation with one sentence 😉
I also appreciate you censoring yourself as to not pollute my blog – but I especially appreciate your inconsistency with censoring the vowels vs the consonants.. haha.
So much appreciation to go around 😀
Congrats M! You are doing a great job. I’ve really enjoyed your writing and you’ve been an inspiration to me. You write beautifully and have such an important story to tell.
I look forward to what’s next!
P.s. I’m glad we are Final Fantasy FI spirit animals!
P.p.s. I prefee the “pile of Bristol 7” formulation.
Haha.. I’ll have to try that formulation IRL 🙂
Also, I found the piano sheet music to FF6 and have been jamming out to that the last 2 weeks – every time I play Terra’s theme I think of you!
Thanks for your support, friend!
M,
Congratulations on hitting far more milestones than the average one year old! Your writing has attracted so many of us because we enjoy your candor, remember your hurt and respect your bravery.
Here’s to becoming a multi-dimensional human being again in this rebirth after medicine.
Look forward to your journey and the vicarious highs and lows you’ve been kind enough to allow me along to follow.
Fondly,
CD
CD,
I hope after this year I’ll be moving from crawling to a full on toddling sprint 🙂
Thank you for your kind words. I’ll try to live up to them!
Have a wonderful New Year!
M
I really enjoy reading your blog because it reflects what so many of my coworkers and colleagues are currently struggling with everyday (even as hospitalists!) and how I have felt at times during my journey as well. I suspect your blog is helping a lot of people feel validated and motivated to find a better way. This is why we started our blog as well. Thank you for putting yourself out there!
Thanks for reading Leti!
I have been so amazed and surprised by how many people have written me just to commiserate with the struggle. Sometimes that’s all we need – to know we’re not alone in feeling this way.
Happy Everything!
Best wishes in all that comes your way in 2019.
Cheers!
-PoF
Thank you PoF! Same to you as well, and thank you for sharing my toxic workplace piece on your Sunday Best!
M
All time travel is forward moving. Enjoy the adventure.
I just found your blog while looking for some interesting readings about burn out and
moral injury. Nice written and inspiring.I am in the process of starting my own journey writing and changing jobs.
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
J
Thank you for your comment and sorry for the late reply! If you’re starting your own blog, please let me know! There aren’t that many of us who write specifically about burnout and what the looks like.
Best and good luck!
M