“Give it to me! I got it first!!!”
“NO YOU DID NOT! I grabbed it off the shelf first!”
“This Elmo is mine!!!!!! Bob, tell her I got to this first!”
Bob looked like a man who wanted to disappear into his turtleneck.
“Come on, Nancy.. it’s a toy.”
“DON’T TELL ME IT’S JUST A TOY! THIS IS A TICKLE ME ELMO!! AND IT’S MINE!!!!”
Shaking my head as I walked away, I assessed the chaos that had descended on this Black Friday.
What was this alternate reality I had entered into?
Arriving at 4:45 am on my first Black Friday working at Target during my college days, my co-worker turned to me at the time clock and said,
“Oh, this is your first time, is it? Well, you’re in for a real treat… well-mannered middle aged yuppies turn into banshees the moment they run through that door.”
As I headed around the corner to get to my assigned area, I could see a multitude of people collecting at the front of the store. The majority were bright eyed, over-caffeinated middle aged women clutching coffee mugs in crocheted cozies for warmth against the Michigan cold. They had probably been lined up for at least 2 hours prior to the opening of the store.
Unsettled, I waited for the countdown marking the store opening.
3… 2… 1…
In they came, like the locust plague from biblical times devouring everything in their path.
Nothing was left untouched. Women throwing clothes in the air, clawing at items from bins as if their lives depended on it, brawling over toys in the aisles. Men fighting over the newest Xbox or techie gadgets, as if the $50 in savings would offset the ER visit for the stitches they’d incur.
All to the backdrop of the same 20 second Mariah Carey “All I want for Christmas” song loop on repeat for 8 hours.
And now, I was listening to Nancy and Karen fighting over a Tickle Me Elmo as if the love of their children/grandchildren depended on it.
The irony of all this was too much for me to handle.
Black Friday:
The day we spend hours and billions of dollars to “save money” on sales, precisely one day after we give thanks for everything we already have.
“You just don’t understand, M,” my future aunt-in-law said to me the night of Thanksgiving.
This was a time before Black Friday had spilled into actual Thanksgiving evening.
“It’s kind of like a sport! The guys have their football, we have Black Friday. We plan out the routes, figure out where all the deals are – this is fun!”
“Right. Fun. Like watching the Lions lose every year for like the 20th year in a row. Got it.”
“Hey now, leave the Lions out of this!” my future father-in-law chimed in.
Smirking from the memory, a bawling child quickly brought my attention back to the present.
“Mommmmyyyyy!!”
Big fat tears rolled down his perfectly pinchable cheeks – he couldn’t have been more than 4 years old.
“Hey buddy, are you lost? Do you need help finding your mom?”
Nodding frantically, he wiped his clear snot with the back of his hand, clear across those rosy cheeks and reached straight out for my hand.
Perfect. If he belonged to Karen or Nancy, that would make this circle complete.
Just as I was about to grasp his slimy hand in mine, he took off running after a woman who’s arms were overflowing with toys, limiting her view of her child alone and terrified in the middle of the aisle. Crashing into her legs with his arms circling to wrap around them, he screamed,
“Mommmyyy!”
“NOAH STOP!! Look what you made me do – now everything’s fallen to the ground!! Mommy’s busy right now.”
Holding back my tongue, I stepped back.
Things over people. Is this what we’ve become?
This is fun
Four hours into my first Target Black Friday shift, I walked to the break room for lunch, bypassing hundreds of grumpy looking people with overflowing carts.
Look how much fun they’re having, lining up at these cash registers for hours on end. What happened to the bright-eyed excitement that had greeted me at the door this morning?
Taking a closer look at their carts, I tallied up the damage. The random assortment of non-essential stuff easily surpassed the value of my meager paycheck.
Did they not see the value of their lives in hourly increments like I did? 60 hours of my minimum wage life, all assembled into these red carts for what? 20 minutes of unwrapping utopia? A chance to relive your personal childhood Kodak moment through the eyes of your child who was just told you were too busy for?
Spying another fight breaking out over car seats, I picked up the pace to get out of there STAT.
You’re not getting paid enough to break up that brawl, M. $7.35/hour just isn’t cuttin’ it.
Never again
Working retail during The Most Wonderful Time of the Year was the most educational experience for me during college.
Yeah, there was pre-med and all that, but if I’m being honest, I immediately purged everything from Physics and Calculus. These days, I’m known for my inability to perform simple mental math. In contrast, retail’s real life lessons have stuck, even now when I’m no longer making minimum wage.
Working at Target and seeing first hand what consumption does to people was a revelation.
I’ve continued to see the effects of consumption in my day to day clinic as the ante keeps getting higher and higher to outdo last year’s holiday celebration.
Mom coming in to see me in clinic to talk about increasing her Lexapro anti-depressant – the holidays are just too stressful. Christmas just doesn’t happen all by itself, you know.
Dad asking me to refill his old prescription of Xanax – “I only need it this time of year,” he pleads.
Grandma coming in with back pain – working as a cashier and bagger as a part time job in retirement to fund the Christmas her grandchildren “deserve” has done a number on her body.
Grandpa coming in for his physical and spending the majority of his visit complaining about how he’ll never get to retire due to helping his kids pay a small fortune in layaway money.
To each one of them, I pose this question:
“What if you didn’t do that? What if you just said no?”
“Oh that’s silly!” Grandma replied. “This is fun! This is what the holidays are all about!”
Instead of the Hap-happiest Season of All, people are running themselves into the ground, chasing this idyllic dream of what the holidays should be – one of the greatest marketing ploys of all time.
We are no longer celebrating the holidays, we are surviving them.
It’s time to take the holidays back.
No more waiting in line to spend money on stuff we don’t need.
No more trying to buy people’s love with things they didn’t even want.
No more turning the holidays into a celebration of things rather than celebrating the fact we can all come together for a moment in time.
The Minimalists say it best:
Presence is the best present.
How will you spend the start of this holiday season?
Happy Thanksgiving!
***
Photo taken of J sitting under a random bridge at Cresop Bay, Washington.
***
If you’re looking for an alternative to Black Friday, #optoutside with me as I’ve done for the last 3 years. Feel free to totally steal my hiking ideas over on Instagram as I opt outside A LOT → Click HERE for some outdoor inspo!
See you on the trails.
This is awesome – someone grinchier than I. Do you also do a 24-hour fast during Thanksgiving, when everyone else is loosening their belts a notch?
Hah.. It’s not grinchy when you call it minimalism 😉
And no, I’m not allowed to fast as I get hangry. I just talk about healthy habits while everybody stares me down.
Wonderful piece (and here I was afraid you would take Thanksgiving week off from blogging!).
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. The annual 8-miler, the brunch at my neighbor’s, and getting everyone together at our home for the neo-traditional evening meal. (Yes, and watching the Lions lose again.) Next year will be the 25th anniversary of the last time I had turkey on Thanksgiving, so I will be eating grilled salmon once again. My only challenge is to see if I can outdo my wine selection from last year. Got that covered, but next year is going to be TOUGH!
As far as I am concerned, Thanksgiving is the peak of the holiday season. Being Jewish, Christmas was never a religious holiday. Because I am Jewish, I have generally been assigned, er, I mean I “volunteered” to work on Christmas Eve and/or Day. We never got into the Black Friday scene. I would like to think we are not consumer enough, but it is probably that we are not frugal enough to care. Plus, I am more of an #OptOutside kind of guy.
M, I hope you have a restful, peaceful, and enjoyable Thanksgiving with your family.
I’m trying to stay committed to the weekly schedule, though the Thanksgiving week off was tempting! I just know if I fall off the bandwagon, it’ll be hard to get back on, as evidenced by my break this summer 🙂
Your Thanksgiving plans sound lovely, and your grilled salmon meal makes me smile. My father, who was vegan before it was cool, takes it upon himself every Thanksgiving to cook the turkey and it is surprisingly perfectly cooked every single time! He’s never actually done a taste test though.. lol.
Unfortunately we won’t be headed back to the Midwest, but will be hosting an orphan Thanksgiving for fellow transplants out here in the Pacific Northwest. Friends are the family we get to choose, so I’m really excited about attempting to cook a turkey myself. We’ll see how this goes.
I figured you were an #optoutside kind of guy – strong work on the 8 miler! I’m working toward building back up to my first 10k after my failed half marathon attempt.. fingers crossed!
Happy Thanksgiving!
M,
I don’t think I have ever described an experience in a big box store as fun. This time of year is completely crazy out in the world of consumerism. I grew up 180 miles from the nearest Target. My town didn’t even have a Wal-Mart until I was about 10 years old. Black Friday just wasn’t really a thing unless you REALLY wanted it to be. My parents did not. Usually Black Friday consisted of going to a movie at a theater just to get out of the house, or if snow came early, maybe some cross country skiing.
I, for one, am on call for Black Friday, about 100 miles from the nearest big box store. Hiding seems easier sometimes.
Good luck with the Turkey! I am a fan of the deconstructed method, or in fresh New Mexican red chile – afterall the Aztecs domesticated the bird.
Growing up in Canada I didn’t encounter Black Friday until I was in high school, but we did have Boxing Day (day after Christmas). I don’t remember it being as much of a frenzy as what Black Friday is here, but then again, my parents weren’t shoppers either.
Christmas for us consisted of garbage bags filled with hand me downs – I don’t think my sister and I got anything new until I was about 10. I was able to avoid the big box stores until I got my job at Target during university, and then I was spending 30 hours a week there. Never again! I still have a hard time with grocery shopping even. Good thing my husband takes care of that AND he spends less money than me when he goes.
Win win for everyone!
I hope you have a good call for your Black Friday!
“The day we spend hours and billions of dollars to “save money” on sales, precisely one day after we give thanks for everything we already have.”
What a excellent way of encompassing the FI mindset.
My family is big into the gift giving. It gets a little silly. we are in our 30s and yet there are still presents piled up under an 8ft tree.
I’ve tried to ask the family to tone it down a notch but they call me cheap because we are Drs who want to save and try to be a bit more frugal than expected.
Very frustrating.
I hear you on that – J and I have also asked our families to ratchet it down on holiday spending and gift giving. After 5 years they’ve started to acquiesce.
I am notoriously difficult to shop for anyway since I don’t really have a running list of things I want, so I think it takes a weight off their shoulders. Maybe you could sell it in that way?
I’m ok with gift giving as long as it’s on my terms. But the instant I feel like I’m being volun-told to do something like with those holiday commercials, I dig my heels in and refuse. I guess that’s the rebel in me 🙂
Anyone interested in studying human behavior should spend some time in their youth working in retail and food service. You learn a lot about people when you’re the minimum wage peon there to serve them.
I’ve always felt all the stress around the holidays was a self inflicted wound. We enjoy seeing our kids’ excitement, but it doesn’t take 100 gifts under the tree to excite a 3 year old.
This is a well timed post to help remind us what the holidays are actually about – gratitude and spending time with the people you love.
Agreed with every word in the comment!
I worked in both retail and food services, and it’s really amazing how poorly people will treat others they perceive are “below” them.
As for the holiday stress, it is 100% self-inflicted. I’ve stood staunchly as the person who refuses to decorate for holidays just because I’m supposed to. If I want to throw up a Christmas tree, fine. But if someone tells me I HAVE to do it… that’s a hard pass for me. That may make me an obstinate overgrown teenager, but I strongly believe we should do things because they bring us joy, not to meet someone else’s expectations.
I never saw the appeal of black Friday in a retail store. Going out there in the middle of the night and waiting, trying to find parking, the mad dash and no guarantee to get what you came for (plus the more likely scenario of buying something regardless because of sunk cost fallacy). If anything I just buy online during these sales.
Well I doubt this phenomena will end anytime soon. Retailers know the money at stake and will always put a few doorbuster items to entice people
I refused to leave the house this weekend for precisely those reasons – I’m not getting caught up in that zoo ever again!
I do think there is an anti-consumerism movement that is taking hold – could possibly be selection bias from what I choose to read, but if you look at the rising fame of people like Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn (of The Minimalists fame), or Joshua Becker (another Minimalist), I think people are primed to start stepping back from all of the retailers. Plus, I think my generation in general is all about not falling for those salesy gimmicks. I mean, millennials are accused of killing department stores and the economy, after all 🙂